I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sext me about skeletons
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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