Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
