mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
