he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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