It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
