Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
