i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
