Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
