He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
