Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
