I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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