I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
