gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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