Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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