Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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