His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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