Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
