I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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