I'm lost and stupid without you.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
