I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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