His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it's like heaven, but drunker
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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