This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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