I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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