You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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