I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
