TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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