i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
