Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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