careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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