Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also, beer. Big fan.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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