When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
