It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
