Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
