There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
