I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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