i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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