If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
