His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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