so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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