She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
