Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
