They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
