Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize