It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
