he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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