I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
