Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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