if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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