i think i have herpe
just one?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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