update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
