she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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