i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
