Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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