there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
