Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
