At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
